Something Loki couldn't Take
by Elizabeth Barton
Summary: After two months Clint is still feeling bad about his actions on the Chitauri invassion, Natasha fears for his well beign, but with a twisted family like the one living on Stark Tower, it may still be hope to talk the archer out of the guilt before its to late. Post-Movie. No Slash! slight BlackHawk.
1. Laugh

**Hey everybody this is my first Avengers fic... (And probably the first one I managed to finish). I'm I huge Clint Barton aka Hawkeye fan so expect all of my projects to be about him, hope you enjoy this story, It was planned to be a one-shot, but after a lot of thinking I decided it would be better to put another couple of chapters where all the Avengers can participate in helping the little hawk.**

**I want to add a thank you to my beta: **_lunarweather_

**This first chapter is only about Clint and Steve having some involuntary fun. ENJOY**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

Clint was lying down, his back against the mattress and his eyes facing the ceiling. A tennis ball was bouncing up and down on his left hand with skilled movements sometimes hitting the ceiling before returning to his open palm. His brow furrowed in a blank but concentrating expression.

It had been over two months since Loki's attack on New York; since he'd been freed from his mind control, and Clint was doing as well as could be expected, facing his actions from that same attack.

Actually, after the first two to three weeks he had become very fond of the other Avengers, especially Stark, probably because they both had the same sort of dark humor, they were way too chatty and loved to annoy the crap out of other people. They also both fit into the lone wolf's persona. Clint was always eager to join in on the man's jokes and pranks, but lately he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He had tried to make a small friendship with their 'fearsome leader': Captain America. Since the first week they arrived at Stark Tower, now renamed The Avengers Tower, Clint had fought hard to gain the trust of Rogers. The man was a legend and the archer knew he could learn much from him, but something inside him was still fighting against his will and in the last month he had spent in the Avengers Tower, he had started to move backwards in his healing process. He ended up locked in his room or making an escape to the roof where no one could find him.

He even started to leave Natasha out of his life.

But today was worse than all the others days, because the red-haired assassin had departed from NY early in the morning for a mission, to who knows where, and Tony had been kind enough, mostly forced, to offer his most needed services to the spy. Bruce had also gone to take on some unfinished business he had left in Calcutta but had promised to return in about four to five days; leaving only the super soldier and the agent alone in the Tower since Thor had left again for Asgard and had yet to return.

So far Steve was the only one of the Avengers trying to cheer the archer up -besides Natasha-, with little success, and he was most definitely going to use this little time they had alone to fulfill his self-appointed mission.

"Hey Barton are you still in there?"

Since before his lock out, the team had become accustomed to calling each other by nicknames or last names, in Clint's case he was known as Barton or Hawk.

"Barton?"

Again, Steve didn't receive an answer. This little game of silence had been going on five to seven times already and still the super soldier was refusing to give up, he had promised Natasha he would try to get their archer back to the way he used to be a month ago, and he was going to, even if it took him a lifetime to do it.

"I'm coming in now."

The door opened slowly. Steve knew about Clint's sudden change of mood and was almost expecting to be impaled by an arrow to the heart, which, by how Natasha describes their sniper friend, may be possible. Thankfully no arrow came flying toward him since the younger man seemed to still be distracted by the ball in his hand. He didn't even glance over at him.

"To what do I owe the pleasure Cap?" His tone cold and uncalled for, making Steve frown, not with anger but with concern, they had been doing great on Clint's recovery after Loki, they even had managed to convince Barton to take a couple of therapy sessions with SHIELD doctors and after that he had seemed fine, kicking butt and doing his job, but now it all seemed like it had gone to hell. Steve wondered how much time their friend really needed to heal all the wounds Loki left behind. He was sure that if they didn't find an answer soon, Clint would eventually break down, bringing the whole team with him, starting with Natasha.

"Uhm… I thought it would be good for us to do some team bonding exercise, we can do whatever you want, Stark left all the areas open for us, we can spar if you like?"

"I only spar with Natasha"

"You and Romanoff are not alone anymore. You need to get out of your room Barton, this isn't healthy," The captain pointed out, sitting at the edge of the bed. He knew how much the agent hated being touched outside of his partner or because medical required, but still he took the chance, placing a hand on the younger man's arm, he didn't notice his fingers brushing Clint's rib cage, until the man jerked away holding a yelp inside him and Steve jumped to his feet. "Oh god, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Clint regained his composure very fast, still keeping a good distance between him and the other man; he shook his head standing up from the bed on the opposite side of the Captain.

"Let's just go grab something to eat okay? Dinner sounds like a good bonding exercise." Clint offered a fake smile, putting the forgotten ball on the desk, while making his way out of the room. "Coming Cap?"

"Yes."

Steve was following the archer out of the room, minding to keep a couple of steps behind the man, the reaction of Barton to his touch still burning in his skull. Clint had just dismissed it like it was nothing; and it burned Steve to think that maybe Clint was hiding something from him, besides he didn't use that much strength. Did he? He was just trying to be friendly... Then why did Clint react that way? ...Unless, he didn't hurt Clint but had caused a different feeling than pain, a feeling Steve never though the agent would have, he was a trained assassin, a master actually, that sort of things shouldn't affect Clint.

He wanted to test his new theory, coming closer to Barton; he poked the man in his side just below his rib cage making a similar reaction to occur, the archer jerking away with a startled gasp this time and a hint of anger behind it.

"What the hell are you doing?" Snarled Clint, turning to face Steve, the joyful look on the soldier making him freeze for a second, that familiar look, only Natasha and Phil wore that look when they were about to…oh hell no, the others will not do the same to him, not on his watch. "Rogers, whatever you are thinking, it's not what its looks like and it's not gonna happen, so you better start forgetting about it."

"So Hawkeye has a weakness."

"I **don't** have a weakness." He was playing his '_I am dangerous don't mess with me' _card in the hopes that the Captain would step back. Instead, Steve just brushed all his fingers together onto Clint's side while the archer was busy trying to regain control over himself. Clint stumbled against the wall holding back the giggle that wanted to break free. "Stop doing that, damn it!"

Steve chuckled mockingly, much to Clint's annoyance. Maybe he had found his way to lift Barton's mood, just for a couple of minutes, maybe more. He wasn't the type of guy, who did this kind of thing, but he could place the blame on Tony, the man was a very bad influence on each and every one of the team members.

Without a warning Steve tackled Clint to the ground, both letting out grunts as their bodies collide to the ground and they were immediately engaged wrestling with each other, one trying to get away, the other one trying to hold his companion down.

"I swear Rogers; if you don't let me go you're gonna regret it!" Clint was strong and a skilled agent; but Steve had been trained and have more strength that the archer. It wasn't long before he had Clint's legs pinned with his knees and the younger avenger hands trapped over his head with his left hand. Clint felt like some animal cornered by the lights of a car, waiting for the imminent crash and his fear doubled when the fingers of Steve's right hand buried deeply in the vulnerable hollow of his armpit.

It was in times like this that Clint regretted his tricked mind. An agent like him was always prepare to leave any minute, so he made himself accustomed to always wear his Kevlar vest under any shirt he used, no matter the place or the time, but today, today he made the mistake to forget the item in his bedroom on purpose, even with the AC working on full power the hot weather outside had managed to enter some parts of the Tower, so he decided only a light tee shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans where all that he needed as clothing, besides the fact that today was his day off, so no calls from SHIELD were appointed.

His mistake cost him deeply and he was cursing himself as Steve dug his fingers in his weak spot, Clint bit down on his lip, breathing harshly through his nose, trying his hardest to keep himself from breaking under the other Avengers will. No way was he going to give him what he wanted, he was a trained assassin for god sake, he wasn't going to be taken down by some lame tickle torture.

The fingers move faster and dug harder on his exposed armpit, a knot was forming on his throat already and even through clenched teeth, snorts escaped his control. He tried to jerk his body away but the Captain's grip was stronger than his.

"Come on Hawk, just let go and laugh, you know you can't hold it forever."

It was a true, the archer didn't want to face it but Steve was right, he could already feel the bigger laugh coming up his throat fighting against the knot, he unwillingly let out a whimper against the taunting and closed his eyes to focus on something else.

The Captain noticed the change on the agent. Clint was good at ignoring his body at times and he knew the archer was working on doing just that while Steve desperately tried to force him to acknowledge it, just for this time.

Clint shook his head from side to side trying to clear his mind from the fingers torturing his body. It wasn't enough when the fingers moved down to his belly, taking away the fabric of his shirt to expose the tan and well- built stomach; fingers scraggling and wriggling frantically in this new sensitive spot. The smile broke free and traitorous laugher filled the air, it was all Steve needed to succeed.

"Nooo Stooop!" Clint buckled with uncontrollable laughter. Still unable to get out of the captain's grasp, his eyes closed tightly to hold in the tears building up; his face was red with the effort it took to laugh and each breath burned his lungs.

"ENOUGH!" Clint squirmed and twisted, his laughter drowning in his friend s ears. "STOOOOP! I C-CAN'T T-TAKE IT!"

"Will you stop been a depressive ass or whatever Stark said you were and try to have more fun with us?" Steve taunted, moving his fingers more from side to side of the exposed stomach of the archer, Clint eyes open up suddenly and he shriek into a new fit of laughter. The soldier had just brushed his fingers near his navel causing a new scream to rip out the archer.

"Looks like I found an even weaker spot."

"NOOOT THERE IT TIICKLES TO MUUCH! PLEASE." The bound agent bucked up and down a bit while laughing his head off.

Steve smirked at this, giving the fact that the archer just gave fake laughs and a couple of chuckles from time to time, and most of their time meeting their friend some smiles and smirks that Natasha had sworn were honest, it felt so good to hear Clint laugh, even if it was provoked by him.

"Promise me you will try and I let you go," Steve said, changing his hands to work again on Barton's armpits, Clint thrashed furiously, throwing as much of his weight as his laughter would allow into the motion as he tried to dislodge the Captain from his seat. Steve simply shifted his body along with him.

"STOOOOP!"

Steve fingers brushed along the rim of his navel and he swirled it around a few times. Clint's eyes bulged at this and his screams went higher up.

"GEET OFF ME NOW!" His body arched forward only coming in more contact with the hand torturing his body but he couldn't help it, his strength was faltering with the more time he spend under his torturer movements and the four nights without sleep where catching up on him fast, he couldn't blame anyone but himself for his predicament.

Steve shoved his fingers into the man hipbones, Clint screamed in protest but his pleas went on deaf ears as laughter broke free again.

"STAHAHAHP IT ALREADY NO MOHORE PLEEEASE!" He had no choice but to throw his head back and laugh uncontrollably, Clint attempt to curled up in a ball to escape Steve's fingers, this only cause the soldier to change tactics by attacking all his weak spots at the same time moving from one to another in rapid succession, by the time he changed, Clint was in tears.

"PLEASE STOP. I'LL TRY I SWEAR!"

Steve stopped, giving Clint a breather. Oxygen was what the archer needed at this point; Barton was breathing harshly and his face was returning slowly to his natural color, a thin layer of sweat covered his body and the flush on his cheeks was disappearing slowly. He had his eyes closed again as the fight with the sensation of the tickle still left in his body, a big smile on his face.

Steve sat on the floor beside the archer, a smile also adorning his face, he was familiar with the emotion irradiating from Barton's body, the feeling that everything was going to be okay from now on, the Captain was certain that the walls Clint had built over the last month where finally beginning to come down.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Steve pointed out, looking down at the archer.

Clint fell limply to the floor panting and moaning every time he took a deep breath.

"Hey Barton you okay?"

The agent nodded wearily looking at Steve with a friendly stare before letting his eyes drifted close one last time.

"Thanks, Cap."

Steve was confused by the sudden words, but didn't have time to ask the archer what he meant by that, because Clint have finally given himself into the darkness, letting sleep take him over. A smile crept into Rogers face knowing that when Clint woke up, he would be better, because there was something Loki couldn't take away from him: his ability to laugh with his friends.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER ONE**…


	2. Save

**Second chapter so soon, I gotta take advantage that my muse is still within a safe distance before I fall back to laziness. Anyway, this chapter only is presenting our little Hawk (again) and the god of Thunder, Thor.**

**Also thanks to the ones who fav or follow this story, and to those who review the last chapter: **_Whitelion69, MichelleandtheBeatles, lunarweather and Jane S. Winchester._

**I gotta say it, my beta is just awesome, and it's the best: **_lunarweather_

**Hope you like it because this one was hard to write, I'm not good at getting Thor.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned, they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

Something was rumbling around him, it wasn't loud, but with his enhanced earshot it was easy for him to pick up the sound, it was like a low roar that presented irregularly, but it was there and it was messing with his sleep.

"_Fuck this"_ He open his eyes slowly but steadily, grayish blue eyes scanning the room from any sign of intruders, from the closed door, the empty half open closet, to the open door of the dark bathroom. It was odd but his senses didn't pick any other presence besides him in the room and now he is seriously thinking on asking JARVIS when the noise came again followed by a little feeling of emptiness in his body. Putting his hand on his stomach he realizes the rumbling came from him.

Chuckling at his own silliness and lack of food, he sat up on the bed rather confused, the last thing he remembered was being in the hallway with Steve, how had he ended up in his room? After the captain was finished torturing him, he had passed out, so he hadn't walk back into his room on his own.

"As if I didn't need any more humiliation," he mumbled to himself, as he realized that he must have been carried back and tucked into bed by Rogers. Normally this would have gotten him angry, and he was still bordering on going and beating the crap out of the captain but he caught himself smiling at the memory of last night and that Rogers had cared enough not to leave him to sleep on the floor. The smile dropped as his mind inadvertently began going over all that had happened recently. He knew Rogers was trying to help, and his knee jerk reaction had been to smile, but now that his mind had taken over he wasn't sure how to think or feel about it.

Clint was aware that he needed to get a shower after the events of last night; laughing that much can make you sweat a bit, but his hunger was becoming more that he could bear, so he opted to change his shirt for a cleaner one. He glanced at his Kevlar vest but decided that now that Steve knew about his secret it didn't matter anymore if he wore the thing and besides he was on SHIELD leave for a week, so that meant no mission until probably next Tuesday and if he was lucky Phil would have one waiting for him.

Clint suddenly wondered if Phil already knew what happened last night. The handler had a habit of spying on his assets even when there was no mission in the middle.

"JARVIS are there any messages for me?" He asked, making his way to the kitchen area that Tony had specially designed for them.

"There are, Agent Barton." JARVIS announced. "Captain Rogers has required me to let you know that he has a meeting this morning with Director Fury but that he will come back before lunch, also, that he left some breakfast ready for you. Agent Coulson called two times now, apparently their mission will take more time but Master Stark expects they will be back sometime next week, Doctor Banner hasn't reported in yet."

"Thanks JARVIS."

Clint entered the kitchen to find no traces of Steve's presence in the room, but there was certainly someone else on one of the stools.

"Hey Big Guy, I didn't know you were back."

Thor lifted his head from the toast he was eating, looking rather impressed to see his friend up and about. He offered a smile to the archer before standing up to pull Clint into a bear hug in which the agent allowed for a couple of minutes before patting the god's back

"Okay can't breathe here."

"I'm so pleased to see you well my friend." Thor boomed letting go of the archer.

Barton nodded as a response; he really was feeling better after last night but there were still some things inside him that wouldn't go that easily. Clint hoped they would go with time.

He turned his back on to the god to get himself some caffeine. Good old Steve had left a mug already prepped for him with a sticky note that said _'don't forget to heat it'_. Smiling to himself, he grabbed the warm mug and set it on the counter.

"Of course I'm well big guy, I'm a fast healer and besides I have gained my fair share of wounds and injuries over time, it's nothing new to me."

Thor found out quickly to believe the blond man words about his propensity to obtain injuries. Natasha had mentioned once than Clint had an odd problem with guns; he always got shot not matter what he did, bullets always found their way to him.

Although Thor couldn't shake the feeling that Clint wasn't telling the true about his fast recovery. The archer looked rather pale; his eyes were marked by exhaustion but also with pain. Thor knew it was Loki's fault that this great man was falling apart in front of him and he wasn't going to stand down and let it happened if he had the ability to fix that.

"Where are Lady Romanoff and the other Avengers?"

Clint eyes grew darker at the thought of being abandoned by Natasha. That mixed with the range of feelings he had about why of the rest of the team was gone. Tony had left with Nat on the mission, Banner and his idea of returning to Calcutta, and that the supposed meeting Steve had that he couldn't help but think was just a con to get out of the Hawk's presence, for at least a couple of hours. He shook his head trying to get rid of the dark thoughts, he was aware that the Avengers didn't leave him behind on purpose, but still, the feeling was present.

"She was sent on a mission, Stark is with her, so no worries, Fury needed to debrief the Cap for reasons I obviously don't need to know, and Dr. Banner just went to the other side of the world to clear some business." Clint took a bite of the toast Thor offered, both elbows pressed on the surface of the table, Thor felt the angry aura coming from the archer.

"How is the Son of Coul doing?"

"Phil? As alive and well as you can expect. He was sent along with Nat and Iron ass to _god knows where_." Clint finished his toast dropping the empty plate on the sink. "Apparently that was something I didn't need to know either."

There was a moment when Thor believed Clint was going to turn into the Hulk or something close to it. It was a silly idea because the archer didn't have some hidden beast to appear when he angry overtook him, but Natasha had once warned them about an angry Clint, trashing, smashing and destroying, as if the Hulk has possessed him. She assured them, though, that the agent preferred practicing his aim or sparring with her when he grew angry to 'let some steam out', after that, all his emotions where calm and the archer was back to joking and annoying anyone who got in his way.

"Would you like to practice with me, Hawk? I can do well learning from your fighting skills. I was certain that Captain Rogers was going to teach me about some of your Midgardian techniques, but you seem to know better about the subject."

"You want me to teach you hand to hand combat?"

"If you would be willing, I will be honored."

Clint seem to doubt about his answer and Thor was about to plea to the All-Father to force the archer to accept, but thankfully he didn't get that far; Clint just shrugged his shoulder and muttered a low 'sure thing' before guiding the god to the private gym just above the laboratories.

The place was big and filled with all the necessary tools and machines for all the Avengers to practice or work out on whatever they wished or felt the need to enforce. Thor hadn't seen the area in person and was amazed that the proportions almost matched the throne room back at Asgard. Still, it lacked of the elegancy of the throne room.

Clint offered the god some lighter clothes to change into but Thor declined; he fought better with his armor and what better way to practice but with the clothes he used on the battlefield? Instead he watched the archer disappear into an adjacent room to get changed. Clint had already learned to work with whatever clothes he was thrown in the heat of the battle but he still preferred more comfortable clothes while training.

A couple of minutes later, Barton came back out wearing his sparring clothes, black shorts with a gray tee shirt, his hands where wrapped in something white that Clint later told him was tape to protect his knuckles from breaking.

Both walked to the sparring mat and positioned themselves in front of each other in their fighting stances.

Clint attacked first, surprising Thor with the sudden attack.

The archer dropped down onto the mat and swept his legs across to try and knock the god down. Thor, though surprised, saw it coming, he jumped back and out of the way, Clint frowned deeply as he flipped back on his feet and came back at the god with a flurry of punches. Thor avoided and blocked all of them, which only cause Clint to growl in anger, he sidestepped Thor and tries to aim for a kick at his side, and Thor grabbed his leg and launched a punch at the chest of the archer. Clint regain his footing. He was getting a little frustrated about not being able to land any hits.

Thor was very surprised at Barton's agility and speed, but with his more stronger physic it was obvious that even if Clint managed to hit him, it would hardly do any damage. Not that they were aiming to harm each other, but Thor could see that the archer was growing more frustrated the longer as he continued to sole idea of not getting one hit against him was bring the archer overly frustrated.

Clint pivoted around him with a fist aimed at Thor's chest and the look of rage in his eyes send shivers down Thor's spine. The god crossed his arms to block the punch and then send his own fist into the shoulder of the other man. Clint yelp in anger and pain, losing his balance, Thor took advantage sending a kick at his side, the archer hit the mat hard and something in the fall seemed to do some damage because he was left momentarily out of breath.

"Hawk, are you well?"

Clint groaned again, a pained angry noise; Thor began to think their sparring session wasn't going to be enough to calm the demons inside his friend or do any little help for the matter.

"Damn it! You have a deadly kick," Barton slurred out, pushing himself to a sitting position on the mat, one hand clasped on his probably bruising side.

"I apologize for it, it wasn't my intention to harm you my friend."

The god offered his hand to Clint, but the limb was just ignored as the archer look at him.

"I know Thor, but damn," Clint yelped at the god, aware that Thor wasn't to blame for what had happened, but his emotions where flying out of his control and he was in no shape to stop them. "You gotta be more careful or someday you're going to hurt someone."

Thor stay quiet, he knew Clint didn't realize what words were escaping his mouth and wasn't really paying attention to anything but his anger, it was the guilt speaking from him, and it was better if the archer let it out. Bruce had once told Thor that most people like Clint and Natasha tended to hide their feelings and when they reached a point when those feelings where more than they were able bear, well sometimes bad things happened. So when they were close to reaching this point, letting some of it out may help.

"I'm aware of that and I apologize, I didn't intend on hurting you, I just lose control for a moment, I shouldn't have done it, I should had been more careful with the strength I used with you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Clint spit, standing up on his own, his bruise long forgotten in the heat of the fight.

"You're not my battle comrade at this time; you're just my friend, not an assassin as Director Fury always point out, but a human being."

"I'M NOT WEAK HUMAN YOU KNOW!" Clint pushed pass Thor and snatch a towel from the rack. "I'm so sick of people looking down at me, I know being an assassin is not the greatest job on the stack, but why people have to keep reminding me about it? There's enough blood on my hands to never let me forget what I am."

"Are you speaking about your actions with Loki?"

"No! …yes! …maybe…I don't fucking know anymore!"

"You did not have control over yourself Barton, it wasn't your fault, it was Loki who forced you to do all those horrible acts."

Clint turned around his eyes were wide and desperate, his voice threaded through with nervous exhaustion and despair. He could hear his own weakness echoing in his ears, and he hated himself for it.

"It was me all along Thor. Even if Loki was controlling me, deep inside I wanted to do all those things and enjoy every single one of them… have you ever felt so damn good about something you knew was wrong? What could I do to erase that big red lake of blood I marked on myself? There is no going back on the things I've done; there is no making it right…not this time."

Thor pulled Clint closer to him, holding the archer by his shoulders as Barton fought against him, punching the god on the chest as tears started to well on his eyes; but he refused to let them fall and blinked furiously to erase them.

"Natasha won't even look at me, Rogers doesn't trust me, and SHIELD thinks I'm a liability, people are scared of me, heck even Phil may be thinking of a way to get another asset. I'm a _killer_ and that's all I will ever be, I don't deserve to be claimed as a hero, I don't deserve to be a part of SHIELD and I fucking don't deserve to be an Avenger."

"Listen to yourself Hawkeye." Thor shook the man by his shoulders, being careful with his injured ribs "This isn't you talking, this is the rage inside you and you must fight it as you fought my brother. You saved lives during the invasion, have you forgotten about all that? Lady Natasha doesn't hate you for what you did and I'm sure Captain Rogers trusts you with all his might. The man of Fury has referred to you as the best agent they will ever have, even if he put the assassin word in it you could hear his pride over you. The Son of Coul couldn't be any happier to have you around, and neither I, or any of the other Avengers hate you, this was Loki and Loki alone."

"But I helped him do it!" He yelled glaring at Thor with an intensity comparable to Fury. "It was _my_ arrow that struck the Helicarrier."

"It was also your arrow that helped Lady Romanoff get to the rooftop of the Tower, remember? Loki was going to send her crashing to the ground if it wasn't for _you_ intervening." Thor was certainly lost in this new emotion growing inside him, he was very angry at Loki for what he had done. Yes the god of mischief was his brother but he had lost him during the battle in Asgard and now he was losing yet another brother right before his eyes, because of Loki's childish, sick dream.

"It didn't stop him though," Clint whispered suddenly losing all his will to fight, Thor soothing voice came back in his ears.

"What about the citizens in the bank? If it wasn't for your warning, Captain Rogers would never have taken on those Chitauri; a massacre was stopped thanks to you. And the people on the bus? What would have happen to them if you haven't been there to save them? And even so you were there taking care of Lady Natasha's back, the Man of Iron, those Chitauri flying after him, you saw their weakness gave him the knowledge necessary to destroy them. Shall I continue?"

Clint kept his eyes down. "But all the agents I killed... _their friends_…"

"You didn't kill anyone Hawk, think back to that day, not one of the dead Agents fell because of your arrows. They fell under the bullets of the other people Loki had under his control." Thor explained, nudging Clint to look up at him. "If the friends of those agents are too blind to see the real killers, then they aren't mourning their friends as they should have. The son of Coul does still trust you to be his best asset, and the Avengers need their archer to watch their backs in battle."

Clint paused before revealing, "I don't have anywhere to go; SHIELD is the only thing I know, if they kick me out…I'm homeless."

"You have a home Hawk, here with the Avengers, I'm sure the Man of Iron will not let you out on your own, and Lady Natasha will be always there for you, as will the rest of the Avengers."

Clint backed away from Thor, his mind racing with what the god had said, trying to grasp the idea that maybe not everything that happened was bad, maybe all the horrible things he had done where meant to happen so that he could save lives. The Avengers initiative had been abandoned. If not for the invasion they may never have been brought together. All of the lives they had saved since then may have been lost.

Brushing his arm over his face to hide the emotions running over it, he looked up at Thor again, a small, sincere smile forming in his lips.

"Thanks big guy."

Thor bowed his head and let Clint march to the changing room to shower, and Thor let himself smile too, knowing that by the time Clint came out of the room, he would be better, because there was something his brother couldn't take away from the archer: his ability to save lives.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER TWO…**


	3. Trust

**I want to apologize way the last chapter was written, like I said Thor wasn't an easy one to write, hopefully this chapter will be better, longer and more interesting, this time it will be another avenger that help our little hawk friend, care to guess who is it?.**

**Well after a lot of thinking I wanted to have some brotherhood among Barton and Stark so here you go. Enjoy.**

**Another thing, to all of my readers that suggested I get a Beta, well one of said readers offered to help me with the Beta part…Lets give a warm welcome to my new friend and Beta:**_ lunarweather_

**I gotta say it, my beta is just awesome, some of the dialogue in this chapter come out of her own mind, so I held her as co-author of this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned, they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

Tony didn't think missions with the Avengers should go like this; easy, boring and with no participation from him in the action; but he also never thought about the Widow's ability to take down her target without help of any sorts. Scratch that, he didn't want to think about what that woman was capable of. It made him wonder what the hell Barton did when he was sent with Romanoff.

Well, actually, if he really thought about it, it wasn't that abnormal to get a little bored. The Avengers were packed to fight anything and everything, so one asshole that wanted to recreate the Stark weapons wasn't that bad. So it ended up being only him, the 'deadly spider chick,' as he affectionately called her on the mission and Coulson on the comm. lines.

Tony had thought everything was perfect after the mission but then the med team had checked them over and found that Natasha sported two broken ribs, from where she had fallen from the roof to the balcony, attempting a 'Hawkeye maneuver' as she had called it, and a bullet wound on her shoulder. A freaking bullet wound! With the bullet still lodged inside. He could understand trying to appear tough but...

So in the end, Tony returned, alone, to the Tower, while Romanoff stayed on the Helicarrier to be 'under observation for a couple of days'. Yeah right, who were the doctors trying to fool? She'd be out of there by tomorrow. But until then he didn't mind being alone at the tower. He liked to take some time for himself.  
And midnight, at the renamed 'Avengers Tower', was as good as any time to be alone. He would never admit it to anyone, but Tony loved the calm and quiet atmosphere of the place at night; that even if it was his in broad daylight, in the dark it felt like he didn't own it.

He stepped into the main living area, now redecorated and warmed with a central fire pit. Leaving his Iron Man suitcase on one of the couches, Tony wandered through the darkened common room on his way to the bar.

After all the fighting and moving, he realized he was itching for a drink of his best whisky. As he neared the bar area, he glanced out the floor- to-ceiling windows and stopped. The lights, that drew attention to the Tower, highlighted a shadowed figure at the edge of the balcony. Tony watched the other man sigh and decided to change his direction. After grabbing two bottles from the small fridge, he slipped out the open door.

Clint Barton stood at the edge of the balcony, one foot resting on the low railing while he leaned his elbows on the top one. His hunched shoulders showed signs of weariness. Carefully approaching the other man, Tony deliberately made some noise so he didn't startle the Hawk. Tony may be an ass but he wasn't stupid, and having his butt kicked in the middle of the night wasn't something he wanted to risk.

Barton's head turned at the small noise, listening as Tony stopped next to him, then went back to studying the skyline.

"Hey Stark, how'd the mission go?" The normally calm and collected voice of Clint now had an edge of tiredness that the Avengers had grown accustom to hearing.

Tony sighed, he was hoping to find a more cheery and sarcastic Hawk.

"Boring as hell, the spider is kind of bossy" He offered one of the bottles he'd swiped from the bar with a smile on his face "Care for a drink?"

Clint took it and frowned when he notice it was just a water bottle, he seem confused by it, while Tony uncapped his own drink.

"No beer?"

"For me, yes. I thought you didn't like to drink anything with alcohol?" Tony commented, taking a sip of his beer bottle, watching the horizon. "And besides, you really don't seem like the drinking type of guy"

"Yeah, well, I haven't been me in a long time" Clint leaned again on the railing taking a sip of his own water; Tony followed his move, took a drink and swallowed. He caught something different on the archer and he scooted a little closer to take a look at the dark rings and the redness on the stormy gaze.

"Yeah, I know what that feels like," Tony replied. He sipped his beer again, not tearing his eyes from the light show that New York was at this hour. He enjoyed the feel of the breeze running through his hair.

It was a nice spot for thinking that Barton had found. The wind was a bit stiff up here, but nothing they couldn't handle. It was peaceful, though, away from the city craziness. When Tony had first visited his newly opened Tower, he didn't take the time to look at the good, relaxing spots he had created, opting to spend most of his time on the Labs below; now he was grateful for Clint's presence pulling him out here to rediscover these little spaces.

Clint suddenly spoke, breaking the billionaire's thoughts.

"So, everything went okay?"

Tony turned his head to look at the still figure of Barton, those weary eyes and the hunched shoulders were something of a concern and even if Tony denied later, he felt concerned about the other man, he had grown to see the team as a family over the last while, because they were different from other people, they didn't treat him nicely because they wanted something, they did it because they wanted to do it, because they liked Tony, with all his mistakes and problems.

They all had problems and had learned to cope with them together, that's what made them stronger, somehow Clint was forgetting that.

"Yup, it all went very smoothly; except for your spider girlfriend, she attempted to take your place and got banged up, good thing she's the Black Widow. She's pretty scary, Legolas, seems like nothing can take her down. How do you keep up with her?"

"I'm used to it I guess"

Clint's answer caused the other man to huff out a laugh.

"That or she just hates me…I'll go with the latter" Tony sipped at his beer again "Although, you are more resilient that I am; facing everything without second thought, if I didn't know better, I said you weren't human"

"I bet it's disconcerting to realize that one of the master assassins is a human just like you; has boundaries and limits, something Avengers shouldn't have"

Tony shook his head

"I'm still human too, so are Cap and the Widow, we're just a little more special; and you are part of the pack too, facing somethings other people couldn't face to become who we are," the genius explained, playing with his beer bottle, "We're all screwed up, have dark pasts and actions that force us to grow and cope, but without those things we wouldn't be here today, would we?, that is something the Avengers definitely need, wherever we like it or not"

Clint seemed to consider what he said, then turned to him, his face questioning.

"How did you do it, Stark? Go back to your life as if nothing happened?"

Tony knew what the archer meant. His time in the desert under the captivity of the Ten Rings was the very thing that created the Iron Avenger, but the man didn't know what to say, he hadn't faced what had happened down there; he buried it deep within himself, hoping that nothing and no one ever found out about it. But Clint was different, because all his life had been a living hell and in his subconscious there wasn't any more space to bury yet another mistake even if it wasn't caused by him.

Only honesty could help them both right now.

"I didn't just get back, I had someone help me. This man, a while back, taught me that there's no going back on the things you do, but you can try to take those shitty feelings and turn them into something good. Stark weapons were used to destroy and they wanted me to help them, instead I built something with those weapons to stop them" Tony nodded once, yeah, he had been in the same boat as Barton for a long time before Rhodey and Pepper helped him and reminded him of what was important. Clint needed someone who could do the same for him. "Now I just try to deal with the memories and move on. I won't lie to you, it was the hardest thing I've had to do and I was too blind to understand what was going on, thankfully I found what I needed to survive"

Tony paused long enough to take another drink as Clint stifled a sigh but continued to listen.

"Sometimes, I force myself to remember even if it was painful or scary, Sometimes, I just come to and find myself hoping for something to take the pain away"

Clint gaze swept over the horizon, trying to digest Stark words, falling on the sight of how the night covered the reality of what had been done to the city. The emergency vehicles had finally stopped flashing the area at all hours, which went a long way to help things get back to normal.

When Clint spoke, it was so soft Tony barely heard him.

"For me, it was a nightmare . . . being so out of touch with everything that happened, but it was more painful to stay connected. Everywhere I go something always reminded me of what I've done and the things that have happened throughout my life. When I became a Hawkeye the pain just subsided somehow, I let the fake me take over and buried Clinton Barton deep down inside me, along with all my memories, with who I was and what I was, where I was going; all the bad things just vanished inside the Hawk and I was okay with it, I was fucking glad"

Clint shrugged, feeling Tony's gaze.

"And then the whole Loki thing happened and you guys came along and all that reminded me that I needed to stop stepping over myself… but I wasn't able to physically or mentally do anything, the pain just came back again, worse than ever, and I felt so lost. I just couldn't think straight anymore"

"It happens to the best of us" Tony frowned, weighed his next words; knowing he needed to be careful or their conversation will shut him out completely. He knew the young archer for more than four months but he could read him like an open book. All the Avengers had grown so close to each other they just couldn't hide anything from any of them anymore, but somehow Clint had retreated back. Continued to punish himself in the months since Loki's banishment.

He had no defense against the pain that all of his actions put on him, but Tony did have some knowledge about that kind of pain, something Clint never learned.

"If I were you I will take a few days to myself, so I can clear my head of all the shit going around, after the cave I decided to shut down everything around and focused on me it became pretty easy to deal with it after it" Tony said in all honesty, alright, maybe that wasn't completely true, but it was a lot easier than it used to be.

"But it isn't the same Stark! You didn't kill any innocent people, your _coworkers_,"

The sudden anger that erupted from the normally calm and controlled agent startled Tony slightly. He mentally stepped back and reevaluated.

The archer have been constantly hearing that he's not to blame for what happened, that he was forced to become someone else, all those empty reassurances had pushed him to the insanity line for a short time, Tony had experience with that, but he had learned to cope, to accept responsibility for his actions but never show the emotion. Having a good stiff drink on hand didn't hurt either. But Barton, a man accustomed to being in complete control at all times, would struggle with that lesson. In his world, all liability rested on his shoulders if a something went south, it was his mistake.

Tony trailed off for a moment.

"I know you may be tired of hearing this but you didn't kill anyone either, so what if you helped Loki, you weren't the only one suffering under that dicks power" He ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it Barton! I don't care if your arrows almost took down the Helicarrier. I don't care if you helped the bastard out. In the end, after everything, you helped us take him down, that's what counts, you made a difference"

"Oh, it was a difference alright, but not like you're thinking. I wasn't just pretending to be the bad guy; I was the bad guy. I willingly betrayed SHIELD just to avoid pain again, I didn't fight it like I should have, I buried my true self _again _but this time I went deeper, I try to convince myself that it wasn't real. Protecting the Tesseract and stopping Loki were my responsibilities, it was my body, my mind and that was something I shouldn't run from, no matter how much pain it caused. I didn't want to embrace the agony, even if I knew it would be the only thing that will set me free, I knew the pain was worth it, that maybe I would get myself out from the bastard and stop my actions, but it didn't do anything, I was too scared and too weak to do something, ANYTHING!"

After a long moment, Clint sighed, his shoulders slumping even more. And Tony felt a little guilty; his buddy in crime was carrying so much on his shoulders, he had grown up in a different world from him, a place where only Natasha or even Phil could understand.

Clint stared at the ground, when he spoke; he had lost the intensity of his previous statement.

"Sorry. It's just. . . . Hard, everyone just keeps telling me to sweep this under the rug; saying, 'this wasn't your fault' or 'you did fight it, you're back, aren't you?' Problem is: it isn't that easy. Like I said before, every little thing reminds of what happened," he said, as he stared at the bottle in his hands, jaw jutting out as he put his thoughts in order. "I can't get away from that anymore. When Natasha told me everything that had happened since I was taken, she wouldn't tell me about the agents that died; people sacrificed for a god's child-like dream; and then Phil just '_died_' on me, and I wanted to get back under; I knew that under Loki's influence I couldn't feel a damn thing. I wanted to get back to my old self, to find any hope to forget again, to be able to bury everything again. I sometimes feel like I'm the one who tried to take over the world. And was. . . .Well, **it's** killing me"

Tony waited, knowing the other man had more to say. Clint was still at a distance, deep within himself he was a lone wolf and the archer wasn't the type to spill everything to just anyone, so he felt rather honored to be out here, listening to someone he thought as a brother, at one in the morning. The hour that had passed seemed quick, and Tony hated that he couldn't put his own experiences with the Ten Rings and the Iron Man origins into better words. It had taken a lot of time of getting to know himself, to be able to cope with what had happened in the cave and with Yinsen. He supposed Clint was asking him for a solution.

Finally, the younger man straightened up, smiling almost apologetic to Tony.

"Sorry to dump that on you"

"Don't be, we all need to talk sometimes, and besides, what are we here for? We're like family now Legolas and families take care of each other" He turned and pinned the other man in place with a look. "And we all need to get away, too. Some place where we can find who we are without all the stress and reminder of our mistakes, where you can be yourself and not Hawkeye or Agent Barton, just you"

"I don't even know who those guys are anymore or who I am, I'm afraid I may not get myself back... ever" Clint met the other man's eyes when Tony turned.

"Look, I know you can't leave until this wraps up, but that should happen any day. You might want to think about taking some time to get to know yourself again. We can do it together, you have a whole _'family'_ in this fucking place that can relate in different ways to what happened to you and we might even have some good advice; god only knows I need to come to terms with myself too, after all, we didn't become a team in one swift move" Tony said, doing a whole turn on his body to be leaning with his back against the railing looking at the inside of the Avengers Tower.

Clint dropped his head in response and Tony took that as his cue to continue, staring at the tower while he spoke.

"Want to know what truly helped me, Katniss? Deep down, I knew what I wanted, what I was fighting against and why, and that allowed me to handle anything I was doing; to have the strength to not break over my actions. The mistake was obviously already there, but I learned that what happened shouldn't effect what I was going to do next. I lost many battles against myself pity, but I'm winning the war. I had to learn the hard way, and I'm still learning it. It does get easier, but it takes time to get over something like that. And killing yourself to rebuild something beyond your control while you mentally castigate yourself isn't going to help you figure out your problems; sometimes you just gotta run before you can walk"

As Tony walked towards the door, the Hawk's quiet voice floated across the balcony

"I suppose you think you're some kind of guru now?"

"Now? I'm always saying inspiring and insightful shit. You're just a little slow on the uptake, Hawkie" Tony countered, with the sincerest and snakiest smile he had. Tony knew their conversation wasn't going to pass over those last words but he was happy for the open opportunity to know his friend a little bit more.

He was about to reach the door when Clint called over to him.

"**Clint**"

The genius stopped at the doorstep looking over his shoulder.

"It's actually just. . .'Clint'..."

Tony grinned as the archer passed by him and stepped back inside. So far, no one in their little family called the Hawkeye by his name, they all have created nicknames for him and Natasha, well except Cap who like to call them Barton and Romanoff, Banner keep the name the Hulk used on him: Archer, Thor called him Hawk and well Tony have more options Legolas, Katniss, Birdie and Hawkie being some of them, Natasha was the only one able to call him Clint but she didn't call that in front of the others. Tony thought that to be accorded that honor made the late night worth it in his book. It meant something he'd said had gotten through the archer; just as the younger man has reached underneath the self-centered man to Tony.

"Thanks Tony" was the last word the genius heard before the archer disappear in the dark hallway, a smile shining on Tony's face as the weight he have being carried lifted itself over. Tony knew that in the morning Clint will be better, he still felt the recriminations of his actions while under Loki's control. He still faced SHIELD's inquiry and knew that he could lose everything, but, for now, he wasn't that much concerned, because there was something Loki couldn't take from him: his ability to trust his friend.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER THREE…**


	4. Fight

**So here we are back to another new chapter and another pair of avengers, we already know one of those is Clint but the other one, I finally decided to give Natasha the chance to help her Hawk, so here you go and also have a little idea of what the next chapter will be, a lot of you might notice this small clues but I still held on the idea that they are well hidden.**

**Again thanks to all of those who review the last chapter: **_HeartsNaruto and Jane S. Winchester _

**Also thanks to the ones who fav or follow this story, it is my pleasure and honor to have you around here.**

**I gotta say it, my beta is just awesome, and it's the best: **_lunarweather_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned, they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

_Clint raced through the long dark hallway, dodging around objects and furniture. He'd been here, living the best way he could, for four years now. In that time, The Barton brothers had learned what kind of place Whitmore Home was, especially who Ben Whitmore, the fifteen year old son of the owner, was. Clint loved the place, it had plenty of space and they didn't have to share with other kids, the room was all for them, old Tyler Whitmore has made sure of that, but for some reason his son could not let the Barton's alone, it began with just a little bulling of the youngest ones and later on, taking advantage of Barney, though the older Barton denied such things._

_Now, because of his intervention on the latest attack on Barney, they were running. Tears of shame and fear trailed down his cheeks as Barney keep pushing him to run, his breath came in spurts as he put every bit of strength he had into reaching the vent system that had become their sanctuary over the last two years of the abuse. He needed to hide, to breathe, to beg for Barney to take everything away and not feel anymore, to not remember what Ben had done to him. But he couldn't seem to put enough distance between himself and his infuriated bully._

_His left foot got caught in a crack on the floor less than five meters short of the vent, he could see his brother staring back at him, Barney was yelling something but he could not hear what, Clint found himself face down in the ground unable to get back up._

_He rolled to his side, watching a mob of shadows looming behind him almost over him, Clint knew what was going to happen, he had__ seen this before, but still couldn't face it, the mob parted to form various different faces, Ben was among them but his skin was paler and there was blood all over his face, Clint recognized the other people, the innocent lives he had taken during his time as hire assassin, the agents that perished during Loki's attack, the man that lost his eye because Clint needed it._

"_Please!" The word came out in a gasped whisper. Clint tasted blood __and bile. He tried to crawl away from them, his eyes pleading with his attackers as they reached to grab him, he felt the tug on his clothes, on the hem of his shirt, their hands pulling and digging in his skin and a low cry of__ desperation left his lips. "Please! Don't, I'm sorry!" _

"_Sorry? Sorry doesn't cover what you done Barton, you killed us, YOU'RE GONNA PAY!"_

"_KILLER, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"_

"_NOBODY WANTS YOU!"_

_"I didn't mean to, please, STOP!"_

_Right before Clint's eyes, one of the shadows morphed into a man wearing a golden helmet with two horns, holding a scepter with a glowing blue jewel._

"_Please, what, Agent Barton? You're begging for forgiveness when you deserve none? There is no escaping your sins, not this time, you will do as I want and kill whoever I want you to kill, your precious little spider, your friend, the Avengers," Loki sneered, reaching down to grab the collar of the boy's shirt. "After all, that's all you will ever be Clinton, a pet for others, a slave to use, nobody wants a murderer."_

_The scepter touched his chest and Clint screamed in renewed pain._

Clint launched out of his bed screaming. His voice so loud it even frightened himself, his arms crossing his chest as if to hold together his shattered body. He felt like nothing, less than nothing, the guilt of everything was slowly falling down on him, Clint knew eventually its weight was going to drown him.

He wasn't sure how long he sat in his bed, sweating and gasping like a newborn. At some point he felt the weight in the bed shift ever so slightly and he jumped in surprise ready to stab whoever tried to get closer to him, but he stopped in time at the soft feeling of Natasha's arms snaking around him. She pulled his body close to hers until he was almost tucked against her, one hand fishing at her pajama top wanting the reassurance of her presence.

His body trembled violently, his mouth grew dry and his eyes feel misted. His chest heaved, trying to catch up on its lack of oxygen but having little success and the room was becoming so small. Still Natasha held him. His eyes found the strength to open and to look at her.  
He didn't have the chance to feel foolish for letting a dream get the best of him. He had only the thought of holding onto Natasha for safety.

Natasha stayed with him, her hold never slackening as they waited for the pain to ebb away. All that she knew was Clint needed her here and now, and she was not going to disappoint him again.

Clint wasn't exactly sure when he had gotten himself to calm down again, the whimpers of fear and pain finally stopped and the room seemed to get bigger as his heart returned to its normal pace. Although the shivers and the feeling of being dropped in ice water remained, he felt recovered enough to separate himself from Natasha.

"Sorry for waking you Nat."

She placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled warmly at him. He felt clammy to her touch, and Natasha frowned slightly, she would have to check on Clint's health a little better after dealing with his nightmare.

"I just got here actually, the SHIELD staff in medical wasn't taking anymore of me and my complaints, but I think a week is enough to heal a bullet wound and a couple of broken ribs, at least for me," she replied. Her voice dropped an octave and she moved a little closer putting a hand on his chin to enforce eye contact.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He looked round the room as if trying to come up with a good reason to say no. It was something he had to deal alone, and besides, he didn't want to add another weight to Natasha's worry, he had done enough of that already...to all of the Avengers.

"No, actually, I just…I just want to get back to sleep," he whispered back, turning to look at her.

There was something in his eyes that she wished she understood, it was something Clint have never shown to her before and it scared the hell out of her.

Clint laid back down and she positioned herself alongside him, propped up on her elbow so she could see his face, her free hand resting on his stomach. As he finally unclasped his hand from her shirt, a smile reaching his lips, she didn't buy the fake reassurance, like he obviously hoped she would.

"What is bothering you so much? You haven't had nightmares like this in a long time," Natasha asked, quietly, but he only closed his eyes.

Hearing her sigh in disappointment at his lack of cooperation and her unsuccessful attempts to help, Clint was starting to feel worse than before.

"It's Loki, isn't it?"

He started, eyes wide and fearful, pulling away from her a fraction until she rubbed her hand in a circle over his stomach trying to calm him. He paused a moment before speaking.

"I'm ignoring him. I know he's not here anymore, that whatever my mind is playing is not real," he said, with false bravado. "I'm trying to make myself believe that I'm not going to do anything for him anymore . . . or… or hurt anyone like he… like he wants me to do, but it's just not working anymore, I feel like I'm drowning and there isn't anything around for me to hang on, I…."

It hurt.

It hurt to realize just how much pain he was in because of Loki, because of something he didn't have control over, so she cut him off, fingers gently over his lips to stop the words as she shifted closer.

"You're not turning into that anymore Clint. You're not going to be what he wants. Believe in yourself, your strength, your goodness, your heart," she whispered, wishing she could force that understanding into him, like Phil had forced so many other good things into him. Trying to make sure he was not going to go rogue like before, when he hadn't killed Fury. Loki had forced Clint to be terrified of his own potential, terrified of what he might do, what he was capable of doing

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I trust you," she answer honestly, again making eye contact with him, and Clint eyebrows jumped in surprise and confusion appeared in his face before he looked away. She continued, "I have trusted you since the day SHIELD pointed a gun at me and you stepped in between. Nothing you or anyone else will do or say is going to change that, ever, Clint."

She shifted closer, tucking herself inside the curve of his arm; resting her head on his chest and pushing her hand further over his stomach to hold him close.

His head snapped to look at her.

"Uhm…Tasha? What are you doing?" he asked, warily.

"Getting ready to sleep, isn't it obvious?" She answered simply, hiding a smile against his chest. "Relax; I'm not going to ravage you in your sleep, not without your permission at least."

He laughed; it was short and sharp but genuine and for that she was thankful. He relaxed a little and she trailed the hand that was draped over him, up and down his side, hoping to soothe him into rest quicker, but suddenly his hand clamped over hers.

"Stop it! You know it tickles!" He groused, smiling lightly at her.

"Sorry," she whispered and instead caught his hand in hers and entwined their fingers.

"It's okay," he replied getting himself comfortable with her, his muscles relaxing at the southing circles she began drawing on his chest.

"Hey Nat, thanks for being here."

A smile formed on her face as she felt the archer slump into a good healthy sleep. Natasha knew Clint still had a long way ahead of him, so many things to fight, but she was determined that he wasn't going to fight it out alone, because there was something Loki couldn't take from him: his ability to fight.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER FOUR…**


	5. Effort

**I apologize for the tardiness at posting this one, I got a huge writer block and I could not work in anything. But like I promise I will finish this story, so here we are back to another new chapter and the last avenger, I have nothing against Bruce, but I think he fitted better being the last one, so here you go, one more chapter after this one and we are officially over.**

**Again thanks to all of those who review the last chapter: **_HeartsNaruto, Whitelion69, Jane S. Winchester, Lastavica _**and **_wolfhawke26_

**Also thanks to the ones who fav or follow this story, you all people are wonderful, sorry for the orthographic mistakes on the chapter, I didn't pass this one to my beta.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned; they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

Returning to the New York hadn't felt this good in a long time.

The weather was wonderful, even tough it was a little hot the night sky still provided some cooling feeling, besides when was the last time he step on the city and actually have a place to go and a purpose to do beside trying to hide himself and not destroy everything on his path.

A small laugh erupted from his throat as a kid no more than ten run pass him with a Thor figure and onto the expecting arm of his father.

The drive to the Avengers Tower took at least fifteen minutes due to the traffic in that area, but he didn't mind, he was home after all, and he knew that no matter how late he arrived someone will be up waiting for him.

What he didn't expect was to have a sick welcome committee.

The light on the kitchen was on when he walked out of the elevator in the common room, he suspected Steve or Thor were having a late snack or Tony was back for his fifth coffee mug of the night. He could not be more surprised when the hunched form of Clint Barton came into view.

"Isn't a little late to be here?" he asked casually dropping his meager belongings down on the door, the archer took a couple of seconds to actually face him and Bruce could tell the smile on his face was fake.

"You had never told Steve or Thor anything, I figure hey '_what the heck? I'll do the same'_"

Bruce had to admit that the man was right, besides the Tower and more specifically the common areas where there for them to use, no matter the time, day or situation, Clint was free to do whatever he liked with his time even if the doctor didn't approve.

A cough that was instantly suppressed drag his attention back at the archer that had hunched even more in his place –if that was possible- an was trying hard to stop the fit that was burning his throat. With a very calm but worried demeanor he filled a glass of water and offers it to the agent.

Clint just smiled before plucking the liquid down his sore throat.

"Thanks"

"Are you okay? You look kind of sick" Bruce stated realizing in the state of the man in front of him. Clint looked sickly pale under the light and almost matched the white marbled surface of the table he was leaning on. Dark circles stained the bottom of his eyes, his cheeks were a little hollowed in; even his hair had lost its darkish blond color. It looked almost dead brown. The archer was not supposed to look this way, it wasn't this way the last time Bruce had saw him.

"It just a stupid cold, nothing I cannot handle" dismissed the agent.

With what little strength he can muster, Clint make an attempt to stand up but was instantly plucking down to the floor it wasn't for Bruce fast reflexes catching him.

"I think is more than a cold Clint, how long had you being feeling like this?"

"Like shit, probably two days" Clint moaned as he realized that on the contrary of Natasha, Bruce would not let him go and tend to himself. The good doctor could be pretty mother hen when he planed to be, especially with Stark and himself. So he was preparing to lie to get Bruce from out of him when a sudden wave of nausea hit him and his sore muscles replied at the action screaming in pain "uhh…"

"If would be better if you stay in your room, maybe take a cool shower to ease the fever, I think it is a really bad cold you got in there"

Clint could not manage a reply this time, he felt like he had the worst hangover ever and the splitting headache wasn't helping at all. In his half carried, half stand position he could tell his body was a little light weightless. When Bruce spoke he could barely look at him as the lights were surprisingly bright. Still he manages to smile at the doctor and say.

"It's okay doc, a cold is nothing to me, don't worry" to show he was perfectly fine he pushed himself away from Bruce daring his body to move on his own accord, however, his world promptly turned to black and all Clint could feel were the hands of the doctor lowering him to the floor before everything turn off.

* * *

After two days of the kitchen night encounter, Clint's still coughing, and his 'stupid' cold had escalate to a full annoying pain in the ass cold that has all the Avengers -Clint included- cranky.

The archer had been holed up in his room, no range visiting or rooftop trips, which would normally be consider a miracle, not even Natasha or any other avenger had come although that is more because Bruce had banned them from Hawkeye's room until the agent is better.

Neither Barton nor Banner had gotten any rest since this started and the archer is starting to get restless. Thought he hasn't been getting a good rest, Clint has been sleeping pretty much all day. The fever had escalate to a almost unbearable point in which he is freezing cold one moment and burning hot the other and nothing Bruce pumps into his system had manage to shake it off.

It is not until the middle of the third night that Bruce realizes why the agent isn't getting any better.

Clint woke up screaming and sweating and Bruce had spent a good amount of four hours to get the high fever down. Towels soaked in water, some strong Tylenol, towels wrapped around ice, ice packs, towel soaked in water _and_ wrapped in multiple ice packs. And Clint has started rambling about Loki, and missions from SHIELD, about Natasha and his childhood. Bruce is pretty sure that is not a good thing.

And then Clint starts moaning and vomiting into the trash bin that the doctor supplied, his night shirt is soaked through with cold sweat and is when the archer is heaving nothing more but bile and his shaking had turn into a full body tremor than Bruce decide to bring in on the stronger antibiotics.

Bruce acts quickly; he help the archer fall down onto the bed when he is finish with his last episode of vomiting and put a fresh cloth on his forehead.

"I'll be back in a second Clint" He is already standing up when a hand reaches for his arm and the grip is so strong it surprises the doctor.

"Not worth it doc" the feverish man mumble with effort, trying to make his dry throat to cooperate, Bruce eyebrow lifted in surprise and confusion at the light of clarity in the stormy eyes. "I deserve this"

"Don't say that Clint, you deserve to get better, you will get better, some antibiotics and this will all be over"

"No Doc, you don't understand" Clint is pulling at his arm more forcefully and a wet cough escapes his control before he attempt to speak again "_I_ deserve _this_"

Bruce took a seat on the edge of the bed placing one hand on top of the archer. Clint is panting heavily and sweat is dripping down his face again, his cheeks are a strong red tinted in contrast with the white pallor of his skin. Bruce noticed the fear and pain in Clint's eyes as the archer maintained a vice like grip on the doctors arms.

"Listen to me very carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself" Bruce leaned a little closer to Clint, sweet brown meeting grey-blue "I know you feel guilty about Loki and the whole New York fiasco, I also know you had heard this many times over the last months but…_it wasn't your fault_"

Clint closed his eyes trying to force his breathing under control and ready to ignore the doctor, he was so tired of those words, so tired to see whatever truth lay on those empty words.

"I cannot feel anything but guilty, I need some way to pay for my mistakes, if this is my punishment so let it be"

"Do you really think this is the way to repay what you weren't breaking, what you cannot control" a nod was the doctors answer "Then you're mistaken, I know what is like to not have control and hurt the people you care, to destroy innocent lives because something else took over yourself and force you to do it, it is wrong and painful, and you're right there is no way to atone for that sort of thing, but we can try and learn from that, get the better of that situation and not let it happen again… guilt, fear, pain, those feelings aren't real unless you let them be"

"I thought that giving Natasha a chance will clean my ledger, working for SHIELD will turn that blood stains in my book clear again, and suddenly I realize, I got so much red I will never be able to clean it all…what is left for me to do? Try and keep going pretending that red doesn't exist?"

Bruce took the warm cloth away, submerging it on the ice water bowl and taking of the excess of the water as he think of a way to let the archer know he wasn't to blame for anything in his life, that he hadn't done anything bad, that all the blame was on Loki and Loki alone.

"You don't push away that red Clint, you face it, you do your best to clean it and repair everything written in there and be proud to say 'My ledger has red in it, but not for long' because that's the truth, you got red before SHIELD, Phil offered you the chance to change that and you took it because you wanted to do better, it applies the same here, Loki put red back in there, then you do what you do best… clean it and move on"

"It's not easy to clean when the blood that marks it is the one of people you work with, you knew, as a weapon for hire, I didn't feel that bad because I never knew the people I was taking out, but in here, I will always be remained of what I did"

The cloth was place back in his forehead and Clint leaned away from the doctor to stare at the wall before his voice rose in a whisper again.

"Do you think living in here is easy for me?, I know what the Hulk is and what he is capable of doing, how much red do you think I got since the other guy came? A little less than you, the same, maybe even more and do you see me bashing my head in the wall for it?"

"No but is different…"

"It's not Clint, try to understand that, the other guy destroyed lives with me inside him, he took my control and turned into something bad, but the Avengers had helped me see how I can do the most good and I hold onto the idea that one day I will be able to do it… Loki took away what makes you human and what did you do as soon as you got that control back, you stood up and fight him, you helped take him out and you are still working on taking out all the evil in the world, how can that make you bad?"

"I'm not saying I'm a bad man now, I know I'm doing well with the team, but I am not feeling like is enough"

"Give it time Barton, one cannot repair his mistakes over night, it takes time, what matters is that you are making the effort. Remember that small saying '_What counts is the intention'_ you just need to be healthy again to keep on going with that, so will you let me help you with that"

Clint opened his mouth to reply but realize it wasn't worth it, he knew that the doctor was right, that all the avengers had been right all along and that beating himself over something that happen two months ago was doing more harm that god. So he offered a nod.

"Thank you Doctor"

A small smile formed on Bruce lips as he watched the sick man slump down on the bed preparing to sleep and to wait for the doctor to come back with the medicine. As Bruce stand up and made his way to the door.

He knew Clint still had a lot of things he needed to sort out on his own, so many things clear out, but he was sure that eventually the archer would get to that point, because there was something Loki couldn't take from him: his ability to make an effort.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER FIVE…**


	6. Family

**So everyone this will be the last Chapter, I want to thank you all readers and reviewers from the bottom of my heart for your support and constant help with the life of this story.**

**Special thanks to the ones who review the last chapter: **_Jane S. Winchester _**and **_AvengerRedHuntress_

**I hope the story was for all of you to enjoy it, and it wouldn't be the last I will post, stay tuned to my channel because I won't give up on my stories, and the sequel of this one is already up so go read it.**

**Thank You All For Your Attention!.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or his characters here mentioned, they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee.**

* * *

Tough Clint was still not feeling a hundred percent fine, he returned to his normal routine within the next few weeks after Bruce let him out of his room for the first time.

Being ill had let him with a lot of time to think and ponder over what he had learned since he had moved to the Avengers Tower, his soul was still fracture, then again it had being since his childhood but once he had joined SHIELD Phil had show him how much potential and how much of a heart the archer had. Loki's dread words had changed his perspective on that view, his heart was tainted, the blood of a killer was the only red liquid that run inside his veins and no matter how much Coulson tried to show him this time there was no cleaning up what he done.

That's what he had tried so hard to engrave in his team… he was a liability to them, a ticking bomb waiting to explode and go rogue again. His efforts had being in vain, they had all stuck to him like gum. Time after time talking to him and forcing him to think back on what he wanted to forget, to realize it hadn't being his fault.

His mind hadn't believe the words at first, not until he had took his time to ponder over them more slowly and more privately. Words stung like darts and his constant sorrow had ebbed to a much more bearable level. But his eyes had yet to see the truth, because Clint was so sure there was no greater true than the fact he was guilty and the team was so engrossed in other things they didn't notice.

After all why would they care?

The only use Clint was to them it was to watch their backs in battle, and only them they wanted Hawkeye not the man that betray his own, but the archer able to call patterns and stand in the sky, out of their way.

He reach for another arrow, nocked it in one single breath and let it sail away against the target on the other end. The sound of the arrow hitting the target would earned a smile on his face if he wasn't feeling so angry at this moment. He hated Loki, he hated the chitauri and their plans on conquering the earth, he hated the avengers for still trusting him in their team but most of all he hated himself for not being strong enough to leave. He was so desperate to protect his team he hadn't faced the option of leaving, he had being close tough, many times. At the end he always backed away.

And angry cry followed the next arrow…

And the next one…

And the next one…

All his arrows until he was left kneeling in the ground breathing harshly, the bow had fallen on the ground as soon as he had lose his grip on it. He chocked back a sob, bit down his lips to stop the breakdown that was surely to come, he had enough pity in the past few months coming from the team he didn't need to give them more reasons to feel bad for him.

_'You fucking killer, we don't want you here… You are a monster Barton, if Fury doesn't kick you out we will make sure you pay…Phil cannot protect you anymore, we know what you are Hawkeye'_ a million accusing voices he knew from SHIELD screamed at him. Clint put his hands on his ear shaking his head to get rid of the voices, but they only grew stronger, their words meaner. He could not stop the tears that started to flow freely down his cheeks.

He wanted to scream, to rip out his hair, to hit the wall until his hands bleed, to run until his strength faltered… he wanted to just end with all this. He didn't fear death. Death would give him a relieve.

His hand had gripped on the bow again, and arrow just within arms reach and Clint knew it would only took his will to stab the damn thing in his chest and get on with it. His other hand curled around the end of the arrow and his puffy gray-blue eyes examined the tip as it was water in a dry desert. He was so close to do it when he heard it. Different voices floating in the air, growing closer.

His strength faltered a little and the weapon fell from his hand. He knew those voices, he could heard them calling his name with worry and familiar comfort words took over his mind as the accusing voices disappear.

_'Will you stop being a depressive ass or whatever Stark said you were and try to have some more fun with us'_

"Guys I found him!" a scream echoed near by and Clint could not hold himself up anymore. He felt more hot tears slid down his clenched eyes.

_'You're just my friend, not an assassin'_

"Is he well?" concern was dripping from the voices near by, but the strength of them nearly got him falling to the ground if it wasn't for a pair of strong hands stopping him mid fall.

_'I don't care if you helped the bastard out. In the end you helped us take him down, you made a difference' _

"JARVIS get Banner and Romanoff in the range now" Clint was slowly slipping down to the floor, his head cradled in between warm familiar hands.

_'You're not turning into that anymore Clint. You're not going to be what he wants. Believe in yourself'_

"Jesus Clint" his vision was filled with red, but no the normal blood red that always tinted it these days, but a fiery red that had grow accustomed to know, he was starting to connect himself back with reality. He can feel the world around him spinning less dangerously and becoming more clear.

_'one cannot repair his mistakes over night, it takes time, what matters is that you are making the effort.'_

"Clint can you hear me?" A whimper followed by a sob was the only sound he manage to do, Clint eyes where half open but he was conscious enough to realize he was back at the range. That all the avengers were there and his head was resting on Tony's lap. Banner face hovered somewhere above him and he felt the plastic of a water bottle being pressed on his lips and he took it greedily.

The archer didn't have the strength to fight them anymore, to fight the words they had say to him over the last months. Just like that Clint had realize the darkness was moving away. The avengers had took it away and give him a new light.

"Its going to be okay Barton, we got you know"

Clint didn't know what to say, tears where still rolling down his flushed face, but the sensation of emptiness was slowly disappearing, he look at Natasha's green eyes and saw worry and care for her **_LOVER_**, his gaze fall on Bruce next, his expression also matched with concern and care for his **_TEAMMATE_**, Thor was standing at his other side, he held a neutral face but his eyes where almost screaming compassion and forgiveness for his **_COMRADE_**, Clint reached up to look at Tony, the joyful glee was gone, replaced by worry and anger against those who dare to hurt his **_FRIEND_**, finally he reached Steve, like the others there was care and warm in those eyes, but also trust for his **_PARTNER_**.

And Clint can see it, they all trust him, they all care about him and neither of them blame him for anything that have happen, they didn't want just a faceless man to protect their backs from far away, they wanted him close by to keep them safe and they wanted to keep him safe too. Because they were his team, his friends…his dysfunctional family and he was theirs, their partner, their archer, their friend, their teammate, _their_ brother.

"You know Tony you were right; we are a fucking family" A ghost of a smile spread on his face making the rest of the team let sighs of collected relieve, and Stark patted him on the shoulder showing that familiar snarky smirk of his while Thor and Steve helped the archer into a sitting position.

"And you are the baby in the family Hunger Games"

"What? Why me? Steve is like twenty five or six" Clint replied turning to face the genius but swayed a little on his attempt, he decided to just let himself be supported by his friends.

"If you don't count his seventy years frozen on the ice he is like ninety years old, and Thor is like immortal so who knows how old is he and Natasha doesn't count either, she have her own super serum working for her to really know how old is she, I mean she can be as old as the Captain, maybe even as Thor and she is also your girlfriend even tough you try to hide it, you cannot do that," Tony replied making the others laugh openly when said assassin glared at him and even Clint let out his own smile.

If felt so good to smile again, to be with them, it was like the last months where slowly moving away to give him back what was his before Loki, but this time he had gained more than what he had before. He watched Tony ramble about ages calculations and Steve and Bruce throwing some comments about it. He saw Natasha smile on that beautiful way of hers and knew she was happy to have him back and Thor seem like he was enjoying himself. They were all happy. Just the six of them like a big family.

"In conclusion," Tony said snapping him back to reality "The battle is in between, Banner, you and ME, therefore, you're the younger one"

"You're really an asshole" Clint said sarcastically punching the man on the shoulder. Natasha rolled her eyes as she stood up offering her hand for Clint to take, he stretched up to reach her, when suddenly he yelped, falling down on the floor again.

"Sorry I couldn't help myself" Steve replied stepping away from the archer, Clint was holding his side glaring at the man, a look of anger rapidly replaced by dread. Did the captain had to do that in front of everybody and just after he had a breakdown in the middle of the fucking shooting range.

"You are gonna paid for that Rogers" Clint leaped towards the soldier being stopped by Natasha and Thor holding his arms behind his back and pulling him back down on the ground were he still struggle against them.

"He was just trying to make you smile Clint" Natasha stated offering the captain a grateful smile of her own that the archer didn't see

"He was trying to torture me" yelled Clint fighting against his 'older' brother and girlfriend, like Tony pointed out, Bruce and the billionaire itself where both smiling at the outburst.

"I do not understand, how our comrade can torture you with his mere finger?" Thor asked looking in between the archer and the soldier.

Clint shivered at the look on Steve and Natasha faces as they show equally devilish smile, he heard Bruce snickered beside him somewhere.

"It's a simple Thor, let us show you" Tony reached forwards while Clint attempt to back away but been hold down by Natasha and Thor didn't help in his escape and neither the fact that he had just worn himself out with anger and target practice.

"Come on Steve, not again…Tasha please help me, guys just let me go"

The woman smile grew wider and she leaned down to whisper on his ear.

"Don't worry Clint, this will not hurt" before reaching down to poke and brush her fingers on his armpits while Tony worked on his side, Clint closed his eyes…this was going to end awfully bad for him.

Soon the whole range was filled with the uncontrollable laughs of the archer, chuckles from Steve, Tony and Natasha, Bruce and Thor just standing there watching with amused looks on their faces, enjoying themselves with the scene of Clint's sweet and cheerful laugh.

All the avengers knew that it will take time for Clint to forget about Loki and his actions on the matter, but they were aware that the archer was now fighting alongside them to help himself heal the wounds the demi god left. Even if they torture him, they spar with him, they talk to him, they comfort him, they take care of him it was all on the hands of the younger avenger to finally let go with the certain reassurance that he wasn't alone anymore, he have a team that trusted him, friends that care about him, a girlfriend that worried about him…a family that love him for who he was and didn't judge him for any mistake he might have made or will made in the future.

Because there was something Loki could never take away from the Avengers and even less from Clinton 'Hawkeye' Barton: the ability to love his Family.

* * *

**THE END!**


End file.
